Our Masterpieces...Err, Our Novels

Friday, January 28, 2011

99th Page Blogfest!!

Reading Song of the Day: "99 Problems" by Jay Z

This is IT you guys. Quita and I are joining some of our writer buddies in the 99th Page Blogfest. Basically, we show you all page 99 of one of our WIPs, and you all let us know if you'd continue reading or not. Cool, right? Right? Oh, and be sure to click here for other Page 99 madness!

Here we go...

Pam's Excerpt

This is an excerpt from my baby, Wants. As some of you may know, this is told from 4 POVs. All you need to know for this scene is that Alicia is insecure and having doubts about her relationship with her boyfriend, Austin:

My heart leaps to my ears and pounds right against my skull. I fold my arms across my chest, but my breasts get that swollen feeling again. “Um, what?”

“You're breaking up with me, right? I could hear it in your voice over the phone.” He lights up and takes a hit. “I'm used to it. Just didn't think it would be this soon.”

His voice shakes, but I can't tell if it's from sadness or the weed. The room seems to sway and I have to spread my legs to keep steady. My eyes land on the Rebel Without a Cause poster hanging right above Austin's headboard. Great, I forgot how much he liked James Dean. “Why do you like me?”

I expect him to flinch or do something else comical, but he just puffs on his joint. “Really?”

“Really.” I spread my arms, revealing me in my size fourteen glory. “I don't look like everyone else.”

“Neither do I.”

“You know what I mean.” I try tucking a strand of hair behind my ear but it just bounces back. “You could have anyone.”

He nods. “Probably.”

I remember in ninth grade, Sarah Bishop slapped him in the auditorium right in the middle of freshman orientation. I never knew what happened, but I really wish she was here right now.

Quita's Excerpt

This is an excerpt from my yet to be titled (b/c you know I suck at titles) contemporary YA mystery. Blake Farmer is trying to figure out what's happened to his best friend who he hasn't spoken with in over four days. He is speaking with the school's heartthrob football star who was rumored to have seen Blake's friend at a party two nights before.

I roll my eyes and huff. “Can we skip all the bullsh**? When did Kyle get there?”

“Oh, yeah. He came around midnight. David had just decided that he would sell to us, though. Kyle walked in when David had his goodies all laid out on the table. I mean, you should have seen Kyle’s face.”

I could imagine. One thing that Kyle hated more than people in general, were people who went back on a deal. David was never supposed to sell to the high school kids, that was their truce.

“When Kyle saw that, he just went off. He started going in on David—I mean, hard. Calling him a lying sack of sh** and saying that he would ruin him. It was ugly.”

“Let me guess...you got in the fight.”

Jaron shakes his head. “Not at first. I mean, I like Kyle and all…” Jaron coughs a little. “But when he started going at my girl, I had to say something.”

“He went off on Kendall?”

Jaron nods. “Big time. Said she was a slut and asked what she has to do to get her brother to buy her all those nice things. Kendall almost slapped him. Like I said, Kyle’s a good dude. I didn’t want to do anything, but he accused my girl of like, incest or whatever. I couldn’t let that fly.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. I just pushed him a little,” he answers, avoiding eye contact.

Omigod! We did it!!!! : ) So, what'd you think???


Alex Mullarky said...

Pam: I loved this and can't wait to read it in print form! Austin is very real and very intriguing, so I would definitely read on.

Quita: I need more! I loved that last line, because now I reeeally want to know what he DID do.

You guys, these are so good! :p

Heather Hellmann said...

Wow, Quita and Pam! Nice job.

Erinn said...

Pam: I love it “Really.” I spread my arms, revealing me in my size fourteen glory. “I don't look like everyone else.”

“Neither do I.”

ACK- I'm dying of the awesomeness.

Quita: I"m totally hooked and i'm swoonning a a whole lot

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. I just pushed him a little,” he answers, avoiding eye contact. "

Yeah I'm going to need to read page 100 through the end of the book and like now. thanks

Holly Dodson said...

I love both of these! I would definitely keep reading! Great job, ladies!!

Meredith said...

Both of these are so, so good! I would definitely keep reading! Excellent job, ladies! :)

Alicia Gregoire said...

Pam: At first the present tense threw me, but that's my own personal issue. I loved how the page ended. I would've slapped him too.

Quita: He's lying, I know he's lying. I want to know what he really did.

To be it shortly, I would so read on. I might even flip back to page one!

Mo said...

Great pages! I would read on for both. Can we do a page 100 blogfest tomorrow? ;)

Heather M. Gardner said...

I enjoyed both of these entries and would turn the page. I relate more to Pam's but they were both good. Quita, I say go ahead and use the whole curse word.
Thanks for sharing.

Shelli (srjohannes) said...

nice job!

The Blue Lipstick Samurai said...

Pam: Oh god, the swollen boob feeling! That's a really good excerpt, I definitely want to know what led up to it because I'm just a mite confused.... But the idea of the story this gifts me is definitely inticing. (:

Quita: Drugs? Sluts? INCEST?! Sounds just like my school. ;) Bad jokes aside, there is a LOT going on here and I definitely want to see how all these things piece together in the overall story.

I LOVE this Blogfest idea, ladies, and I wish I could have joined you! I don't HAVE 99 pages right now, lol. But I think this is a great idea!

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Nice job on both these excerpts. I only have one caution for Pam: You used the same term twice - it sounds like a lot of things being "spread". I would keep the second one regarding her arms and try to find another way to describe her legs. A whole other vision came to mind for me. Otherwise it was great.

KO: The Insect Collector said...

Hi guys, I like them both. They come off as gritty and real.
This contest is such a tease! Just one page is not enough.

Sarah said...

I like the last paragraph of Pam's version. Interesting and easy to relate to.

Mara Nash said...

These are both really great. The dialog feels realistic. I'd definitely turn the page of both of them!

Racquel Henry said...

Pam! I've been saying this for a while but I LOVE WANTS! All the tidbits I get about it just blows me away! I can't wait to read it once it's published, so of course I would turn the page! Great job!

Quita! What a fantastic excerpt! Your stories always have this element of suspense to them. You are really good at that! I would most definitely keep reading! Heck, I'm dying to know right now how the conversation ends! Excellent job!

Love you both! :)

Loralie Hall said...

You do such a great job of conveying characters and who they are through body language and dialogue - I'm in awe ^_^ I would so keep reading in both cases.

Francine Howarth said...

Hi both,

Nice job girls!

These were realistic, edgy and amusing characters. The pace was fast, intriguing and best of all, of page-turning quality! ;)


Monica B.W. said...

Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed reading both! :D

Dawn Embers said...

Pam: Could be interesting. It does show emotions and I like how the page ends. Based on the ending I would turn the page if I made it to page 99.

Quita: Yours is a little different for me because I have a character named Kyle so whenever I see that name, I think of my character. Quite a bit of dialogue, but could be interesting. I haven't read mystery since Nancy Drew, so who knows whether I'd pick up the book or not. Depends on the story.

Melanie said...

Pam: Such an amazing excerpt! I now will not be able to sleep tonight, wondering how in the world the conversation ended! Teen angst at its best, I loved it.

Quita: I enjoyed your excerpt as well but I do have one suggestion with the last line. It seemed like such a pivotal moment when Jarod lies about what he did to Kyle. I feel like the suspense should have been played out more before he delivers the line, "Nothing. I just pushed him a little.”

Of course, I could be totally wrong and the next few lines on page 100 totally draws the suspense out.

Thanks so much for sharing ladies, both entries were very enjoyable!

Caroline said...

Both pages are well written -- clear, lots of energy, good voice. I'd enjoy reading more of both.

erica and christy said...

Love both pages - great work, both of you!! (and I could have sworn we already followed you - oh well, fixed that now). GREAT entries!

Sophia Richardson said...

Pam- I want to see how her boyfriend handles her insecurity, whether it's a rehashed topic that maybe he's starting to get tired of or if he's happy in their relationship and just wants her to be too.

Quita- That last line was fortuitous (wow, how often do you get to throw that word around in casual conversation?), I definitely want to know what really happened when Kyle started on Jaron's girlfriend. Pretty sure it wasn't just a light push.

You both have a great sense of character coming through, from Alicia's immediately obvious insecurity (crossed arms as defensive body language) to Jaron's voice (incest or whatever!). I'd read on.
- Sophia.

Pam Harris said...

Thanks so much for the feedback!! :) It's scary to put your work out there, but I've definitely learned a lot from this experience. Heart you all!

Marquita Hockaday said...

Wow- this was so nerve wrecking. Thanks for all of the replies you guys. Overall, it was very helpful and as Pam said, a wonderul learning experience. Writers RAWK!

Marie Rearden said...

I liked them both. They felt very real, how normal people speak to each other, worry, wonder, and react. I would read more.

Marie, http://marierearden.blogspot.com

Perri said...

The voice is so strong in both these pieces!

Pam: I love that your MC is size 14. Her character is very clear on just this one page. We all wish she'd slap him, but she wont...

Quita: I have to know what he did do. CLEARLY more than a push.

Both these stories feel totally real, totally YA. Thanks for sharing!

Empress said...

"In all my size 14 glory" - GREAT line! Yes, would keep reading.

Quita, liking it... REALLY liking it and want to know what happens next.

Jamie - I'm a guy, btw said...

Excellent work ladies!
Pam - I definitely see why you now have an agent!

Quita - I don't know why you DON'T have one!

Awesome writing, you guys!

Angela Felsted said...

I LOVE all the relationship drama!

Amie Kaufman said...

Oh, love! I would keep reading for sure... in fact, I'd like to! More peeks please!

Abby Stevens said...

Both of you have a way of writing that is so real. You really captured the teenage experience in these excerpts.